Active Play That's Easy on Mom

I am tired of standing in the sun, pushing my kids on the swing. There. I admitted it. My kids, like all the others on this planet, love going to the park. Of course they do. Why wouldn't they? And I like to encourage it. I like keeping them physically active and breathing in fresh, summer air.

But there is the reality of what park time can mean for adults. It can mean feeling the sand stuck to your sweaty forehead while you pretend to eat the 100th sand ice cream cone your twins just made for you. It can mean yet another round of tag where you try to strike the balance between running fast enough to keep them on their toes, but no so fast that they can't get away. And the swings. Please tell me I'm not the only one who dreads when her kids want to swing. Pushing them on the swing is fun for about two minutes for me. Then I just start to feel miserable. I even find myself wishing to be back in the sandbox; sand in your underwear isn't that bad, right? But I do it, and I even try to smile.

Still, I need a break. But I still want my kids to be outside playing. So here is what I tried. I got them a stomp rocket set. What great fun! They played for hours, taking turns jumping on the pad to launch the foam-tipped rockets into the sky and then racing to retrieve them. They could work it all by themselves! No mom standing in the hot sun for a couple of hours required!

When they complained the other day that it was too hot to be running around, I simply turned on the sprinkler and let the rocket launching begin again. Their creativity soared like the rockets as they pretended launches were delayed or dangerous because of the rain. They stayed cool and active. I gained a couple more hours sitting in the shade on my porch swing, sipping iced tea. Now that's the kind of swinging a mom can enjoy!

Toy Guns

My son was only 2 when it happened: He spotted a couple of older boys chasing each other around with toy guns at the park. This quick glimpse of shiny silver toys that clicked and popped was all it took for him to be hooked. He didn't know what a gun was at this point, but he knew he wanted one.

I'll admit it. I was upset. I had always hoped that ours would be a home free from violent play. I'm one of those crazy moms who teaches her children not to smash bugs if they can help it, even when secretly I want that spider dead and floating in the toilet. And here my son was wanting a toy that would kill countless pretend people and animals. I wanted none of it.

But my husband was in the Army, an infantry man to be exact, so he "gets" the fascination with guns. He also grew up with a brother, and the two of them spent hours playing cops and robbers with toy guns. And I must confess that I racked up many hours of gun play myself as a kid, along with my four older brothers. None of us are violent adults. None of us grew up to be a criminal (one did actually grow up to be a cop, though.) So my husband thinks I should be okay with toy guns.

But I still had a hard time accepting that my son--my sweet blue-eyed boy, the one who used to twist my hair to fall asleep in my arms--wants to play with guns. At first, I put my foot down and just refused to consider it. I hear you all chuckling now. Of course, that didn't work. As anyone who has been around kids knows, a stick, piece toast bitten in all the right places, a Barbie with one leg up and the other down can all be makeshift guns for the determined child. It only took me a couple of weeks to see that I was fighting a losing battle. I started to look for other options. I was convinced there had to be a middle ground.

In my quest for a solution, I talked to other parents, and I started reading about the topic. Finally I stumbled upon a book that helped me put gun play into perspective: Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD.

I'll try my best to quickly sum up the points that I found the most relevant to this topic. Cohen points out that much play is about children coping with their feelings of powerlessness in an adult world. This made sense to me! Everything from playing doctor, to teacher, to gun-toting police officer is a way for children to put themselves in powerful, adult positions. Cohen touches on how this role reversal can help children work out stresses and fears. My attitudes about gun play started to shift as I began to consider the cathartic possibilities play can offer my children.

But Cohen understands how violent play can still make many parents uncomfortable. So he suggests parents get involved with the play and introduce new, fresh elements. For instance, instead of a gun just being used to kill something, what if you transform it into a love gun? We took this idea and ran with it in our home. Our guns shoot many things other than bullets: ice, fire, spider webs, sticky goo, hot lava, kisses. The list goes on and on. It's still gun play; but at least the focus isn't always on killing.

Am I completely comfortable with the toy guns in our home now? I'd by lying if I said I was. I still stress to my son that real guns are dangerous and can kill. I don't let him take his guns to the park or friend's houses out of respect for other parents' comfort levels. But all in all, I am more accepting of gun play. I don't cringe every time my little guy heads out in the backyard toting his cork gun. I know that he is trying out a role, pretending that this "weapon" can stop the scary noise in the bushes (usually the dog) with its freezing rays. And I remind myself that I also said I would never allow Barbies in my home...but that's a different post all together.